Episode 9: Dick and Johnson Go to Hogwarts

The Chief calls Dick and Johnson, informing them that Paul Lynde, who was arrested after breaking in to the Museum of American History, has been using dark magic to send a mole to Hogwarts. Dick and Johnson are being send to the school as American exchange students to thwart Paul Lynde's plan.

On board the Hogwarts Express, Dick and Johnson, traveling as eleven year old Dickamus Finglefangle and Johnsonia Flibbertyshop, meet the house-elf Twinkie and inadvertently free her by giving her clothes. During a somewhat less traditional welcoming ceremony, Dick and Johnson both get sorted into House Hufflepuff by the Sorting Hat, denounce the mistreatment of Twinkie and other house-elves, and encounter first-year Slytherin student Darkes Tanus, who also appears to be an adult posing as a child and speaks with a fake British accent. After a night of partying as newly anointed Hufflepuffs, Twinkie, Dick, and Johnson face off against Darkes Tanus, nicknamed Ducktales Anus by Dick, in a game of Quidditch. Despite Ducktales Anus cheating, they manage to barely win the game.

Ducktales Anus then reveals himself to be Paul Lynde, the imprisoned Paul Lynde being a magical simulacrum, and summons an army of monsters. The ensuing magical duel with Dick and Johnson quickly devolves into a fist fight. The battle ends as Twinkie rouses all house-elves at the school to free themselves and they tear apart Paul Lynde, who turns out to be yet another simulacrum. The Chief arrives in Macho Fan Randy Savage and Dick and Johnson leave as an army of house-elves descents upon Hogwarts in a violent revolt, leaving the heroes worried for the future of the Wizarding World.